Who i am today

Who i am today.

It is hard to define who I am. In short, I don't know. There are days when I'm confident about who I am but there are other days when I feel that I have no clue.

I'm 23. I have a BA. I have a job but it isn't what I really want to do. In short, I'd love to earn a Ph. D. But I don't have time nor money to dedicate to earning something that may or may not have a job waiting for me. So I got a job. A job with potential for advancement. But I still feel inadequate around some people. I feel that my job is inferior to their grad school participation. That's when I begin to doubt who I am, and I get confused about my future.

I just don't know anymore.

I must stop comparing myself to others but it's a nasty habit that I just can't seem to drop. So today, in the public place of cyberspace, I'm declaring a truce with myself. I am okay and I'll be fine in the future. The choice I've made does not make me inferior to anyone.

Desiderata, my favorite poem, warms my heart. One stanza speaks to how I feel: If only I could remember it when the green-eyed monster rears its ugly head.

If you compare yourself with others
you may become vain and bitter
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. - Desiderata, Max Ehermann

If only I could remember it when the green-eyed monster rears its ugly head.